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PTSD

The pain and embarrassment still sits. Memories and feelings Coming and going,, good and bad Deep down I love you And at times I hate you Because I gave my all You took me for granted A tiger cant change its stripes I know you're trying I'm trying We're trying But nothings the same The way you hold me now, makes me cry I've always wanted you to hold me like this Like you never wanted to let me go The way you kiss me now.. so sweet The way you care.. so intentional It's everything I've wanted from the beginning So now I only live for our short moments I exxpect nothing more or less I fear I will become to attached again I fear that you will change again I fear that the love from me to you will never be the same What if my fears make you stop loving me? I'm afraid to be alone again So I settle Knowing that I need more Knowing that we are too different But I'd do it all again Fall in love with you.
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Recent posts

The One Where I Drove The Boat

After Highschool, my mom created a new family tradition. Every child gets a trip to anywhere they'd like, within our financial means, of course, to celebrate the milestone of graduating! So its 2019 and my ass finally graduated from college. After 5 long, agonizing years of school, my trip to Florida was well deserved and needed. June 4th, 2019: I remember sitting at a table, looking out into the ocean, and thanking God for allowing my family to share this experience. I guess I was really zoned out, because next thing I heard was my mom saying, "Come on yall, I rented a boat" which quickly brought my ass back to reality. WTF! I thought we were going parasailing? I thought to myself, I know its "Hot Girl Summer" and all, but sis we don't know a damn thing about DRIVING A BOAT! Apparently, we all couldn't parasail at the same time. So my mom got the bright idea to go on a boat ride, while my dad and brother parasailed. When I realized that my dad would
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Anxiety is a BITCH

"I woke up early on my born day; I'm 24, it's a blessin' The essence of adolescence leaves my body, now I'm fresh and... " I'm just hoping for ONCE, just ONCE, that I can get through my weekend without having a damn anxiety attack. But Nah, "Anxiety's a BITCH! Allow me to give you insight as to how anxiety feels. You've probably heard your peers say "Oh I have social anxiety". And if you're honest with yourself, you probably thought, if not said out loud, "bitch you being overdramatic". I'm here to tell you Anxiety is real and it comes in all shapes and forms. Some people have very minor symptoms, while others experience extreme symptoms. Well, I'm on the extreme spectrum of this thing and have been for the past seven years. Flashback: I'm a 17 years old Senior and the guy I had been crushing hard on asked me to homecoming! Like OMFG, this was it! So I wake up early Saturday morning, planning how I was go
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Is 2020 over yet?

2020 has been a whirlwind! First, we thought there might be WWIII, then the great Kobe Bryant died. The next thing we know we were in a full-blown pandemic! COVID19 has literally canceled TF out of 2020, but I'll revisit this in a moment. On the next level of Jumanji, the US was introduced to "Murder Hornets"! Not only are they a threat to the remaining bee population, but apparently those MFs can kill you too. And amid the pandemic, the murder of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd sparked the largest protest, around the world! WE TIRED BOSS! AND ARREST THE KILLERS OF BREONNA TAYLOR!  Okay so now its the middle of July, we're 5 months into COVID19, and this shit is giving us a run for our money!! LITERALLY! Many small businesses were jeopardized, and if you're someone who got sick from COVID19, or lived with someone who had COVID19, your ass was out of work for 2 weeks, maybe longer. And if you weren't considered an "Essential Worker", you were probably
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