"I woke up early on my born day; I'm 24, it's a blessin' The essence of adolescence leaves my body, now I'm fresh and... " I'm just hoping for ONCE, just ONCE, that I can get through my weekend without having a damn anxiety attack. But Nah, "Anxiety's a BITCH!
Allow me to give you insight as to how anxiety feels. You've probably heard your peers say "Oh I have social anxiety". And if you're honest with yourself, you probably thought, if not said out loud, "bitch you being overdramatic". I'm here to tell you Anxiety is real and it comes in all shapes and forms. Some people have very minor symptoms, while others experience extreme symptoms. Well, I'm on the extreme spectrum of this thing and have been for the past seven years.
Flashback: I'm a 17 years old Senior and the guy I had been crushing hard on asked me to homecoming! Like OMFG, this was it! So I wake up early Saturday morning, planning how I was going to make the entire evening PERFECT. Pay attention to that word, because I'll come back to it. Anyway, I'm looking FINE FINE in my black mermaid dress, hair pulled up and butterflies in my stomach because I'm going to homecoming with the most handsome and funniest guy OKAY! He pulls up in his mom's car, with his mom, grandmother, and cousin in the car with him. He gives me these beautiful flowers, we embrace, take pictures, and head off to homecoming. Everything was perfect. As we danced my damn stomach was turning flips! My heart was beating so fast and then I had a sudden need to vomit. I pulled away and told him I needed to run to the ladies' room, where I stayed for 30 mins, vomiting.
I finally got the chance of a lifetime and here I am stuck over the damn toilet. After 3 text messages of, "Hey where did you go? Are you ok?" I finally came out of the restroom and told him I needed to go home. Oh my God, I still replay the disappointment on his face, to this day. We were seniors, and this was his very first homecoming. AND I RUINED IT! I wanted to crawl under a rock. That was the first time I had an anxiety attack. Of course, I didn't know it was anxiety. The following week my doctor said a stomach bug had been going around and not to worry. It didn't become clear until 3 more incidents, of the very same symptoms, later, that I had anxiety.
Fast Forward Seven years later, It's my 24th birthday, and even though we're amid a full pandemic, I wanted to be around my friends. So I host this kickback at a hotel. I'm excited and looking forward to my party and how I want everything to be PERFECT. I did everything as planned and just had to wait for my friends to show up. Right before my first guest arrived, I had a sudden urge to vomit. "Here we go again, I'm so sick of this shit," I thought to myself. After seven years I know when I'm having an anxiety attack, but unfortunately, I can't make it go away.
So after much reflection, here's what I've learned about myself. Indeed, I am a perfectionist. I want everything a certain way and I don't like unexpected changes or for things to not go as planned. And most of all I hate feeling OUT OF CONTROL. So there, I didn't need a psychologist to find the root of my anxiety, I know what it is. I need someone to help me fix the SHIT! I've tried breathing techniques, hell I even caught myself in front of a mirror doing like Issa Rae on Insecure. I would say "You're a bad bitch, you got a degree, they should be happy to be in your presence." Uh yeah, I still had an anxiety attack. Once the symptoms of sweating palms, heart racing, and the urge to vomit start, its a wrap. Alexis is going MIA.
If you thought this was a blog on how to deal with anxiety, I'm sorry to disappoint. This is me opening up about my experience with anxiety, and how it makes me feel like shit when I avoid going to events with my friends. The very fear of having an anxiety attack controls my life. I hate hearing, "Oh you'll be ok" or "Try not to overthink it", because those are the worst things to tell someone who's having an anxiety attack. Anxiety does not feel okay, it feels like the world is closing in and I cannot control the irrational thoughts racing through my mind. So instead let me give you some tips on how to react when someone tells you they have anxiety.
1. First and most importantly, do your research on mental health disorders and the different categories of anxiety.
2. LISTEN to your friend and let them know their feelings are valid. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. Also, understand that certain traumas can cause anxiety. Some traumas are underlying and your friend may not even realize that they need help. Recommend seeking therapy.
3. Understand that there may be nothing you can do to fix or stop their anxiety, but the effort is always appreciated. You can hug them, hold their hand, help them breathe if that works for them. I know for me, I have to be distracted. Give me a task and keep me busy.
4. Be careful with your wording. Use phrasing like, "I'm here for you", "Take all the time you need", or "What can I do to make you feel better?" Phrases like that can go a long way, you'll make them feel less shitty about having anxiety in the first place.
Please share your personal experiences, if you have any or any advice on how you've overcome your anxiety. Thanks for coming to Talks with Lex!
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